NIGHTMARES

When nightmares become reality
you finally understand the situation.
When the lies and self-delusions
are violently stripped away.
Leaving the base whitened bones
of once carefully avoided truth.

It is so painful when you realize
that what you were taught to believe
by societies icons of family, church, and state.
Were carefully taught myths
to keep you pacified and content to not
ask questions that should have been asked long ago.

Now what do you do without the comfort
of candycoated delusion
and life looks you in the face?

Carol Wekar
10/18/94

TO THE MAN I SOMEDAY WILL MARRY

I don't need you to pay bills,
I get them but barely.
When I have to empty mousetraps,
I do it with ease, almost.
When the car needs fixing,
I call a mechanic.
When its time to weatherproof,
It only takes twice the time.
When things go bump in the night,
I shakily yell "who's there."

I need you, at a sunrise
that begs to be shared.
When I am lonely and
need a loving touch.
When Dear Abby makes a point.
When I laugh and when I cry.
When I need someone to say "I care."
Someone to hold me.

Love isn't always moonlight and fireworks.
Love is the ebb and flow of daily life,
triumphs and tragedies,
petty irritations, and gentle smiles,
shared with your lover, friend,
trusted advisor and confident.

I need you for the things
that only you can give me.
I need you for today
and for the tomorrows.
I need you as hopefully you need me.

Carol Wekar
9/27/89

IF I UNDERSTOOD ME

If I understood me,
how simple life would be.
I wouldn't stand scratching my head
wondering why I did this or that.
When asked "What were you thinking of?"
The answer would be easy to state.
I would understand why I do crazy things,
that puzzle me and everyone else.
I wouldn't lay awake at night,
trying to figure me out,
or hide from those who care
and unable to say why.
I would understand how I feel,
when things don't go as expected,
when I cry for no apparent cause,
or angry for no visible reason.
And when I understand me,
life will be simpler,
For when I understand me,
I can start understanding you.

Carol Wekar
10/11/89

DEMONS OF THE NIGHT

Tomorrow always comes
But not always sleep
Lying awake, fearful and angry
waiting for a call
or a knock on the door
Hoping for good news
knowing no news is good
But, oh, the waiting
When tomorrow comes
and the demons leave.
The fears washed away
by the sun rising,
the anger replaced by rational thought
Then the pieces of the night
are gathered up
Placed in a dark corner
of the mind
Not remembered
but waiting to pounce
when let loose
by eyes watching dark shadows
by a mind left unguarded
lying awake in the night
letting the demons run free
by Carol Wekar
7/19/89